There are children in the class who are always bringing extra sweets to share or giving out trinkets of some sort. I restrict this behavior, because I think it’s important that children don’t get carried away thinking they have to give away something to keep a friendship.
That attitude, while outwardly appearing sweet, will certainly lead to peer
pressure problems when they get older.
Coach your child. When someone is your friend, they are your friend. You don’t have to give constant gifts. Limit it to special occasions if at all.
Beware of the child that expects the rewards as well. If you are consistently paying your child for their time or attention, you are setting them up to expect this from every relationship.
What I mean is, at my school, I have helpers – children who want to help me clean up at the end of the day to get a piece of candy. Because I see these same children all the time, I have learned when they are helping (and deserve a reward) or when they are strictly posing for the payoff.
To encourage intrinsic behavior, I am inconsistent with the candy handout. Sometimes, I pay them and sometimes I don’t. I don’t trick them. I simply say, “Would anyone like to help me clean up today – I am not giving out candy,
but I could use the help.” Some will do it, and some will not and that’s okay.
If they help, I thank them. Praise is another type of payment though, so make sure you’re not just swapping one form for another. A simple thank you will do.
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